Obama's open letter to Santa

Dear Americans Santa,

I have been a very conniving calculating good boy the past week month year. I have listened to myself my constituents my teleprompter my mommy and done my due diligence chores when asked. I helped Tony Rezko Bill Ayers Rev. Jeremiah Wright Rod Blogojevich those who helped me others when I could. I have not lied outright lied by omission distorted the facts. I have no recollection of any falsehoods.

Please do not leave me coal. I DO NOT like coal. If you think I deserve coal, please leave me carbon credits. I know Eid Al-Fitr Eid Al-Adha Christmas is still far away, but this is my Christmas list. I would like:

1. Totalitarian rule Bipartisanship.
2. Redistribution of wealth A system that rewards those who work hard Bailouts A stronger economy.
3. Prohibition on all guns minor “adjustments” to the Second Amendment Appropriate hunting guidelines.
4. More money taxes expanded government social programs earmarks change.
5. More emphasis on money to enemies of our allies capitulations to terrorist countries and human rights violators nice talks with bad people peace.
6. A stronger defense public schedule of withdrawal from Iraq with a copy to Al Qaeda for planning purposes system that leverages Veteran’s health benefits to pay for my programs long term solution to peace in the Middle East.
7. Political appointees who I might have left out Czars that duplicate current positions anyone who has paid their taxes anyone who will stay on the job with me Knowledgeable people who can do great things.
8. FDR’s notes A plan, any plan Change will do.
9. Fully government run and government subsidized health care Health care paid for by those who contribute most to society A healthy America.

I’m sure you’re busy and would appreciate your attention to this at your earliest opportunity. Please be aware, your charity has not gone unnoticed. Just be sure to line that out on this year’s 1040A. Pay special attention to the section for commuting miles as this is a new addition this year. I know things are tight and unfortunately, you’ll no longer be able to deduct the interest on your home at the North Pole.

Merry Christmas,

Barack